A Letter

Re: Your letter dated August 25, 1991

January 11, 2013

Dear Charlie,

I am writing back to you because whoever she is, she was right: i do listen and understand. Well, I try to, at least. And I didn't try to sleep with that person at that party. Sure I could have slept with that person. Although thinking about it more, I don't think I could have had, even if I had wanted to. But don't worry. I won't try to figure out who she is, or who you are. And don't think twice about keeping the names generic; anonymity has its place and serves a purpose. And since you haven't enclosed a return address, I know you will never read this. But that's okay. Honest.

Charlie, those people whom you seek do exist. Just like you, we all need someone out there who listens and understands, and who doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. So know, Charlie, know!

All people are alive! Though many do take it for granted. Even I am guilty of not appreciating what being alive means. Gosh, I do hope other people look to me for strength and friendship, as you've heard. I hope you'll do the same, and I'll in turn look to you.

So, I'll be a witness to your life. In turn, I'll testify about mine: my life when I was your age and my life now. (As an aside: it's funny, looking back at the date of your letter, I realize we're the same age now. I wonder if I had come across your letter then, would my life be different now?) So let's listen to one another. You'll know that I too am both happy and sad. Maybe then we can both crack the mystery of this paradox.

A friend of mine, L, once made an innocuous comment, "People are social animals. We need each other." She's right, of course. Our earliest formative years are with our family. We are who we are because of our family. There's no doubt in my mind that this is true. But I won't go into this whole debate of nurture vs. nature, because our family is the beginning of nurture as well as nature. So, in a way what I'm saying is I also do think of my family as a reason for me being this way.

Anyways, I'm sorry about your friend, Michael. To have lost someone important to you in such a horrific and sad way, I can't imagine. Yet reading about how your family rallied to you made me think that you are fortunate. I guess, this is your first example of your inner paradox. Let me pause a moment and gather my thoughts about my own family and my loss.  When I look back to when I lived in Korea, my family felt big: even though it was just my mom and me in an old house, there were my aunts and uncles, and my many cousins, who lived a short way away, and there was my dad who came at least once a month to visit us from Japan. My family was bigger than the four walls around my house. But back when I was your age, my family consisted of my mom and my grandmother living within the confines of a small one bedroom apartment in New York.

I'll share more later, I hope... It's getting really late now. And let me confess why I'm writing back to you, Charlie: the reason I write back is because I have been stuck for far too many years: I've worked at a dead end job for over five years, and now have been unemployed for two; furthermore I've been hiding from and lying to my parents for many more years than that. I want to make a change, I need to make a change. But I'm really afraid of the tomorrows.

Love always,
Friend

I Watch Movies to Hide My Pain

Today, I wasted a good day watching two movies back to back.

1. Brave

I don't think I can remember the moral of this story. And I watched it like 6 hours ago. WTF?!  Was it "Don't turn your mom into a bear?" I guess it's important to keep your mom a human, I think? I dunno.  But I don't think that will ever happen... So... I'm guessing ... that ... it might not have been the thrust of the movie? Hmm... SO CONFUSED.  Maybe it was kilts tied together make a good rope? The animation was stellar, as you would expect from a pixar film.  But it wasn't a very good Disney Princess movie.  So, it was MEH.

2. The Dark Knight Rises

I was emotionally moved by it.  Although the whole idea of an entire city being taken hostage seems super contrived and ridiculous.  But I can't quite pinpoint why I felt my heart being tugged in such a way that I got a bit teary eyed.  Maybe it was Alfred confessing to Bruce about burning the letter.  It was really a heartfelt moment.  Then things started blowing up and guns were fired, and I forget about my emotions.  And I got a bit distracted by a few CGIed bridges that spanned out from the Lower West Side of Manhattan, I mean, Gotham, to NJ.  They just looked ... weird.  Oh, and there were two bridges above Roosevelt Island.  By the way, Christian Bale isn't aging well.  Or make-up did a great job of making him not sexy.  But it was a GREAT escape flick.

I Can Haz Steak!

Once in a while, I crave bovine carcass.

So I haz maded steak!

Steak
1 inch thick steak (1/2 lb)
Salt
Pepper
Rosemarry
Garlic

Rub the seasoning on to the steak.
Heat up a pan/skillet super hot.
Place the fat cut out from the steak and render it out on the pan. Or use butter/oil.
When the fat is super hot, place the steak in the pan.
After about a minute, turn it over.  And saute the other side for about a minute.
And then make sure to saute the sides that haven't touched the pan for about 15-20 seconds.
Take the steak out of the pan, and let it rest.
This should give you a medium-rare steak!

Sauce/Topping
6 Quartered Mushrooms
Chopped onion
1/4 cup Vegetable Stock
1/4 cup Ponzu

Pour out the bulk of the fat from the pan/skillet.
Place the chopped onion and mushrooms in to the pan, and saute for about 2 minutes in medium heat.
Then add vegetable stock and ponzu.
And let the liquid reduce.

Daikon radish
Lemon juice

Puree the daikon radish with about 2 table spoons of lemon juice

Plating
Place a large spoonful of the pureed daikon on the plate.
Place the steak on top.
Then top the steak with the mushroom ponzu sauce.

VOILA! 

Yah, Get A Life!

I'm stuck.

I need to get un-stuck.

Simple as that.

So I'm going to use ... this ... as a vehicle to ... get a life.

How?

I don't know.

I'll write. I'll post pictures. Maybe I'll even post videos.

So, this is me:

Extending my hand to the Universe.

And I hope, I pray!

The hand of the Universe will...

(Cue: Neil Diamond)

Reaching out

Touching me

Touching you

Sweet Jake,

Yah!

Get a life!!!